If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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