you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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