Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
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So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
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You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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