fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
