haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
