im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
