He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
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You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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