You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
