Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
