Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
