Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
