I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
