Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize