Do you still have your period?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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