What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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