I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
