This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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