you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
