just come out here and I will go home with you...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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