I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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