True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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