one two three fourrrrnication!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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