you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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