Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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