i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
