I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
