in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
