You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
