I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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