Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
