she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You made out with two different species that night
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
