pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
