idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Tell her she can't have a vagina
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
