Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
