My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
