Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
