I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
