everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize