Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
