she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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