How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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