wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
