I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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