After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
