I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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