your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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