It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize