If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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