Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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