you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
