So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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