Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
