i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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