you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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