Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Banned from zoo.
Again?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
