He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
