he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
