he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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