I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
