I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
