have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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