Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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