From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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