her vagine was all disorganized.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
