Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
