she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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